Silence, on boit!
by Paul Corrigan
Summary: Team Marimite let loose in a bar on rue SaintDenis in Montreal, a disaster waiting to happen. An attempt at a Mariasama ni wa naisho fanfic, written on a bus from Ottawa to Cleveland.


What follows is very silly, and not completely coherent (I was tired), but it kept me amused at least. 

The girls allude to several other fanfics, including mine. See how many you can identify.

Comments welcome.

Paul Corrigan

---

Sei Sato didn't want to be here.

Montreal in December was bone-chillingly cold, for starters. The fanfic jobs she and the girls took to support themselves between seasons of Marimite paid good money, but this one...Most fanfic jobs took a couple of days max, sometimes just an afternoon, and she got to stay in Japan. She'd been in stuck in Canada since October, and they were only half done. The director this time around was insane.

The girls had decided to throw her a combination Christmas/birthday party at Bistro-à-Jojo on rue Saint-Denis, not far from where they'd been filming chapter three earlier in the day. Naturally, it had quickly degenerated into another Team Marimite drinking party, with all that usually followed.

"Oh, come on, Sei! You know you want cookies from my jar this year!"

"Hey," yelled Yoshino Shimazu, "leave Rei out of it, Yoko!"

No, Sei Sato really did not want to be here.

---

Silence, on boit!  
A Maria-sama ni wa naisho fanfic by Paul Corrigan  
Maria-sama ni wa naisho concept devised by Geneon

---

"Dammit, Yoko, get off my lap!"

"You know you love it..."

"No I do not!" said Sei. "I have to make out with your skanky ass in every other fanfic. Why do I gotta do it in my spare time?"

"Because," slurred Yoko Mizuno, whose impeccably professional dress was ruined by her Santa hat, "It's the sexxiest ass in Marimite, and you damn well know it!"

"Get off her, you tramp, she's mine! Sei, come here and give me some love..."

The fanficcer who'd had Yoko break the tension of work by having her go on a drinking binge clearly hadn't known the half of what Yoko could really be like when intoxicated. Shimako Todo, for her part, had if anything even less tolerance for alcohol than Yoko, as had been demonstrated by a nasty incident on the set of Marimite involving liqueur-filled chocolates. Shimako had gone from zero to slut in five seconds. Tonight, she'd made the mistake of accepting Yoko's challenge to a house-wine-drinking contest, not realizing that Yoko had planned to play to lose. Now the contest forgotten, Shimako was sitting far too close to Sei, running a hand over Sei's leg, and looking at her as if ready to tear her clothes off and molest Sei right then and there.

"Hmph. I saw her first," sniffed Yoko, "didn't I, Sei?"

"What are you even doing here, anyway?" Sei asked. "You're not even in this fic!"

"Where my Sei goes, I go!"

"Your Sei?" said Shimako derisively. "Has she got 'Property of Yoko Mizuno' tattooed somewhere?"

"No..."

Two long, slender, naked arms wrapped themselves around Sei's neck, the hand at the end of one holding a bottle of Alexander Keith's.

"...she's got 'Property of Shiori Kubo' tattooed somewhere," boasted Shiori, whose arms those were. "You'll see it when...oh, yeah, that's right! You won't actually get naked with Sei on camera, will you? Poor baby..."

Sei could feel herself starting to blush. Part of the reason she'd taken the Montreal job was to raise money to get that removed.

Shimako looked up at Shiori, apparently about ready to punch her in the nose. "And they cast you as a nun?"

Shiori Kubo was just them clad, in utter defiance of the Canadian winter, in short-shorts and a tight t-shirt reading GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN, BAD GIRLS GO TO MONTREAL that flattered her voluptuous figure in a fashion calculated to drive Sei wild with desire and Shimako wild with jealousy. She had succeeded at provoking Shimako, at least.

"It's called creative casting, miss prissypants."

"I sssaid," snarled Yoko, "I saw her first..."

"I laid her first," Shiori shot back. "What's your excuse?"

"DARNIT!"

Sei and her band of admirers stopped squabbling long enough to look over at Yumi Fukuzawa across the table. When Yumi said darnit, she meant it.

It also meant she was drunk too. It was only after several wine coolers that Yumi would be seen to be seriously pissed off.

"Now, now," said Sachiko, who was sitting by Yumi, stroking her pigtails in between sips of her martini, "they're being no worse than usual..."

"Why is it," said Yumi, in that deliberate way people use to try and fail to hide the fact they're drunk, "that on Christmas Eve I'm sitting in a bar half a world from home celebrating Sei Sato's upstaging Jesus Christ which is JUST LIKE HER, by the way?"

Yoko started to smirk. "I think she's jealous."

"Totally," agreed Shiori.

"I'm the star...I'm the star, darnit..." Yumi began to sob. "Why does Sei get all the girls and all the hot sex scenes? I've only got one kiss this whole time! And that was from Sei!"

"You think I like this much attention?" said Sei. "What? You want Yoko? Better you than me."

It was less surprising that Yumi responded by wailing into Sachiko's chest than that she made a point of polishing off her cooler first.

"Why, God, why? Why do I never get any? Even with oneesama!"

"Come now Yumi, you're exaggerating," said Sachiko, soothing her petite soeur. "Of course we did. You don't remember that lemon about the night of New Year's Eve? I still get goosebumps thinking about it..."

Yumi looked up at Sachiko, not soothed or amused. "That had Sei in it!"

"So?" said Sachiko. "She's very good."

"Isn't she though?" added Yoko conspiratorially.

"That's not the point! Can't I have a passionate love scene without Sei being involved? Toko!"

Toko Matsudaira, who just then had been splitting some sake (Gekkeikan, the only brand the bar had) with Noriko Nijo, looked up at Yumi's call.

"Toko!" said Yumi, jumping out of her seat and draping her arms around Toko, smiling at her lustfully, "I can have you all to myself, right?"

"Huh?" was Toko's eloquent reply.

"Hm." Sachiko looked thoughtful. "Have you ever had sex with Toko, Sei?"

"Uh...no," said Sei, trying and failing to struggle out of the grip of her admirers. Those Maudites she'd had were having an effect on her bladder, if nothing else. "My love life's complicated enough..."

"I really don't know, Yumi. If you want Toko you'll have to share her with NoriOOPS!"

Shimako let go of Sei's leg so she could cover her mouth with both hands after saying that, but it was too late.

Yumi turned back to Toko, glaring drunkenly.

"What's Rosa Gigantea talking about, Toko?"

"Why, oneesama," said Toko, sweating like mad, "I'm sure I don't know..."

"We," said Noriko, "have an understanding," and returned to her sake.

Fortunately for Toko, Yumi's response was not to throttle her petite soeur, at least not then. For now, she contented herself with jumping over to Yoshino at the far end of the table, well away from the others, and wailing into her shoulder.

"Yoshino! Nobody loves me...!"

"I'm not getting involved. I'm normal. Waiter, another pitcher of Blue."

"Sure thing, buddy."

The Canadian waiter, all beady eyes and flapping head, produced a pitcher of beer, which Yoshino began to consume single-handedly, as she had done with the previous three, all without noticeable ill effects.

"Normal, huh?" said Yumi suddenly, a crooked smile on her lips. "So, what? You call flashing your cousin on camera normal? And looking like you were getting off on it too..."

"That," said Yoshino firmly, "is called acting."

"Bullshit!" crowed Yoko. "Eriko told us all about that fanfic you did with her and Rei!"

Yoshino gripped her beer mug, just resisting the temptation to throw it at Yoko.

"I'm an actress. I'm a professional, dammit!"

"Lesbian cousins," mused Shiori, seeming to like the idea. "Kinky."

"Wasn't there a couple like that in an anime once?" put in Shimako. "What was the name...Sailor..."

"Rei and I aren't like that!"

"Really, Yoshino? Yay! Finally I get a girl all to myself!"

"Wh-wh-what?"

"Come on, Yoshino," giggled Yumi, starting to drool and going for Yoshino's sweater, "I'm starting to feel ticklish, aren't you? Show me your scar, pretty please?"

"Yeah, you owe us a Christmas present. Take it off!"

Sei didn't remember later just who had dropped the gauntlet, but what she did know was that the other girls quickly took up the chant as one:

"SCAR! SCAR! SCAR! SCAR! SCAR! SCAR! SCAR! SCAR!..."

It was the custom that all costs of damages incurred by grandes soeurs at Team Marimite drinking parties were to be covered by their petites soeurs. Hence it was Nana Arima's entire paycheck for her bit part in "Les filles du lys de montagne" that went to pay for the damage Yoshino Shimazu eventually wound up doing at Bistro-à-Jojo.

So, all in all, Sei Sato decided she'd had worse Christmases than this. Her oneesama could really put it away.


End file.
